My cat gives me a boner
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I DEMAND FORESKIN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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