Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
