He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
