HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
