the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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