she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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