That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
