all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
