guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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