i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
