he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
