im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
