I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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