About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
