Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
