i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
