watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
