Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
