There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize