I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
