Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
