Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
