Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they're like a gay fantastic four
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
