It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize