What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
