Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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