U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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