I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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