her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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