he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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