Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
