seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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