apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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