I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize