i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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