I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
