Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize