It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
