my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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