i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
