porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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