It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
