I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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