Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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