found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
