Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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