i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
