Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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