Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
