Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
