He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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