I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Text me some of your sweat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
