Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think i have two assholes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
