Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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