mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
