Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize