I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
