My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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