It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was like his penis was on wheels.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
