i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
