phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
