he shaved USA in his pubs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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