i don't like sucking hair
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize