Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
