Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
