I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
