I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
