I wanna bring you to show and tell
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My liver just had a heart attack.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
