I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
