He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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