I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
