my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize