Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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