I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
